


Dogs and Cats and Gays, Oh My!

by UnhelpfulPanda



Series: Fabulous Foursome [8]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Doggy Style, Hair-pulling, I think that's it? - Freeform, M/M, Master/Pet, Multi, Oral Sex, Overstimulation, Petplay, Sibling Incest, Spanking, john is in charge in this one, oops that's an important tag i forgot sorry!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 21:09:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12465968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnhelpfulPanda/pseuds/UnhelpfulPanda
Summary: Our favorite foursome comes back from an anime convention with all their sweet loot, some of which includes items relating to a shared kink between Dirk and Jake. John decides to indulge in his boyfriends' kinks. Dave indulges them, too, but not without some kinkshaming and just some general dickishness.





	Dogs and Cats and Gays, Oh My!

**Author's Note:**

> I mentioned Dirk and Jake liking petplay before! Obviously, there needs to be a petplay fic!
> 
> This is the longest fic of the series yet, and I didn't want to cut down on their silly shenanigans to shorten it. It's not too much longer than my other longest (Circumstantial Switch), so don't worry.
> 
> ALSO! Dirk has dyed blue hair and Jake has dyed red hair in this fic because they cosplayed Kamina and (genderbent) Yoko, respectively. Its a bit confusing, and I hope I didn't mess up and switch their hair colors at any point. They will go back to being blonde and brunette, respectively, next fic.

            "Not only did you buy _one_ pair of cat ears, you bought _two_! And you keep trying to tell me you're not a furry," Dave pointed out. Dirk shot him an icy glare, continuing to pull his con loot out of his bag.

            "They were buy one, get one free. Besides, I couldn't choose between the blonde and the blue. The blonde matches my usual hair, but the blue matches my current hair," he explained, pointing his free hand at his bright blue dyed hair. Unlike Dave and John, who had used wigs for their cosplays, Dirk and Jake had dyed their hair. The duo now sported bright blue and red hair, respectively. It just made them look even more like weaboos, in Dave's opinion.

            The four boyfriends were unpacking after their convention trip. Each of them had bought at least one thing from the dealer's hall, but Dirk had bought, by far, the most loot. He had already set out three figurines, the two pairs of cat ears, a poster with Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony on it, keychains of all the main My Little Pony characters and Kamina, a replica of the demon slaying sword from Blue Exorcist, and about seven different mangas.

            Dave had bought four different mangas as well, but his were all explicit yaoi that he boasted he would 'improve' with a wave of his red pen. He also bought a Naruto headband that he was still wearing on his forehead like an idiot.

            John had purchased a body pillow of Yoko that he beat the shit out of Dave with when the blonde had laughed at him. He also bought shirts; a Sailor Moon one for Dirk, a Blue Exorcist shirt for himself, a Trigun shirt for Jake, and a boob window shirt for Dave. He also tried to sneakily buy striped red and black panties for Dave as well, but it was hard to hide things from your nosy boyfriends and he had been found out _very_ quickly.

            Jake had bought pokemon plushies; an Eevee, a Leafeon, a Gyrados, and a Celebi. He also bought a keychain of the Fairy Tail guild symbol and a maid outfit that he hadn't convinced any of his boyfriends to wear... yet. "Wait, what's this?" Jake suddenly spoke up, a confused frown on his face. He reached deep into his bag and his boyfriends watched as his cheeks went red. "Oh, I forgot I bought those..." he trailed off.

            "Bought what?" John asked. Jake glanced at Dirk and the older Strider smirked.

            "I-it's nothing!" Jake shouted, clutching the bag to his chest.

            "Jaaaaake," Dave called, crossing his arms.

            "I-I-I-" Jake stuttered, as usual.

            "He took advantage of the buy one, get one discount, as well," Dirk interrupted, since he knew from experience Jake would break and tell them eventually. Jake's whole face went even redder.

            "He bought cat ears?" John asked as Dave burst out laughing.

            "N-not exactly," Jake mumbled.

            "Aw, don't be so embarrassed, Jake. It's not we're gonna-" Dave snickered before he could finish his sentence, "-throw you in the doghouse!"

            "Ooooh," John responded in realization, whacking Dave again with his body pillow to shut up the blonde's laughter. "Well? Let's see them, then!" he added, holding out his hand. Jake hung his head and pulled out the two pairs of fluffy dog ears. Like Dirk, he had bought one brown pair to match his usually hair color and one red pair to match his current hair. He placed them in John's hand, and the black haired man reached up and ruffled his hair with an absent, "Good boy," as he admired the ears. Jake whimpered.

            "Are we actually doing this?" Dave asked with a smirk. John gave him a warning glance. "I'm just saying, I know where they hid the other stuff!" he responded, putting his hands up to defend against more Yoko pillow assault.

            "You _what_?" Dirk snarled. "I already hid it _three separate times_ , how could you have found it _already_?" he complained through gritted teeth.

            Dave shrugged. "I guess you're not as much of a mysterious edgelord as you thought, huh Dirk?" he laughed and flashstepped off. Dirk swore under his breath and made a move to flashstep after him.

            "Dirk, _no_ ," John snapped firmly, and Dirk's momentary shock served as enough time for Dave to return with the two collars. He held up the orange collar and shook it so the bell on the end jingled. Dirk's cheeks turned pink.

            "So I guess it's already been established that John is running the show tonight, right?" Dave commented.

            "Shut up, Dave. Get Dirk's collar on. Jake, get down on your knees and lift your chin for me," John ordered, taking the green bell-less collar from Dave's hand. Jake dropped down in front of John and lifted his chin obediently to let the collar be fastened around his neck. "What a good puppy, doing exactly what I say!" John cooed, giving Jake an affectionate Eskimo kiss before clipping the red dog ears into his hair.

            Meanwhile, Dirk had escaped from Dave, skittering off and hopping up onto the top of the fridge. Dave reached up to grab his ankle and was immediately swatted at. "I genuinely cannot tell if you are in character or just being a dick," Dave commented. Dirk hissed at him. "I wish I could say that cleared things up, but it didn't. Joooohn!" Dave called. John sighed, pausing his head scritching with his hand still in Jake's hair.

            "What?" he replied, irritated. Dave pointed up at Dirk, who swatted at his finger.

            "Help?" Dave asked. John frowned up at Dirk, who narrowed his eyes at the black haired man.

            "Jake?" he called. Jake perked up. "Get 'em."

            Jake dashed into the kitchen, clambering up onto the counter until he could reach Dirk. Dirk cried out, whacking Jake in the head a few times, but the red haired man didn't retreat. Dirk jumped off the fridge and attempted to flashstep towards the front door, but somehow John had managed to snag the back of his shirt and pull him back, ignoring the brief choking noise the blue haired man had made.

            Together, John and Dave wrestled Dirk into his ears and collar. "Déjà vu, am I right?" Dave commented. John rolled his eyes with a snort before grabbing Dirk by the back of his hair and tugging until Dirk was looking up into his face with wide orange eyes.

            "Do you need to safeword?" he asked, his gentle voice a stark contrast to the previous hair pulling. Dirk bit his lip and shook his head. "Good!" John grinned, petting his blue hair between the clip in ears, then nudged him with his foot. "C'mon, let's go to the bedroom," he suggested.

            Jake and Dirk went to stand and Dave made a disapproving noise to stop them. "Hands and knees. Pets don't walk like humans, do they?" he reminded. Dirk huffed and turned to John for confirmation.

            "He's right! Be a good kitty and crawl," John agreed, walking off without checking to make sure they were keeping up. Dave skirted around his crawling boyfriends, laughing at them as he went. Dirk growled in the back of his throat and swatted at Dave's foot as he passed.

            When the red and blue haired pair finally made it into the bedroom, their younger counterparts were sitting in the bed, shirtless and liplocked and without Dave's dumb Naruto headband. Dirk easily hopped up onto the bed, the bell on his collar chiming as he did so. Jake attempted to follow suit but was blocked by Dave's foot.

            Dave pulled away from John's mouth to glare Jake's way. "Puppies aren't allowed on the bed!" he scolded. John tsked and patted the bed in front of him.

            "Shut up, Dave. Come on, Jakey, don't listen to that mean man. Up!" he encouraged. Jake gave the blonde a wary look but scrambled up onto the bed, coming up and nuzzling John's face with his. John chuckled and then let out a small gasp when Jake shifted into kissing and sucking on his neck. His head tilted to the side easily to give Jake more room, hand coming up to tangle in the dyed red locks. His eyes landed on Dave, pouting at him. "What?"

            "You're undermining my authority, Egbert!" Dave whined. John laughed at him.

            "What authority?" he smirked. Dave's cheeks flushed and he crossed his arms unhappily. John rolled his eyes and turned to whisper in Jake's ear. Jake nodded enthusiastically, turning and tackling Dave.

            Dave let out a surprised shout, wide eyes watching as Jake pawed eagerly at his pants, tugging them just far enough to release his cock from their confines before his mouth was swallowing it down. The blonde sighed happily and let his head fall back against the bed, hand coming to pet Jake's hair affectionately. "Good puppy," he praised breathlessly, and Jake whined around the length in his mouth.

            John watched them until he was satisfied Dave was being taken care of before turning to Dirk. "We can't forget about our poor, neglected kitten, can we?" he teased, waving Dirk over. Dirk crawled up towards him, making a small noise of contentment when John tugged him into a kiss. The black haired man trailed kisses along his 'kitten's jawline, grinning against the skin when Dirk made a pleasured noise akin to purring.

            "So how is this gonna work, Egbert? Where are the dicks going?" Dave asked, trying and failing to sound casual as Jake sucked at his cock. "I mean, I'm guessing you have something planned? I'd be content to just cum down my puppy's throat. And you'd like that, wouldn't you?" he addressed the green eyed man. Jake whined and nodded without taking his mouth off Dave's dick. "Yeah, I bet you would. You'd swallow everything I had, wouldn't you?" he continued to goad.

            John cleared his throat, though he was reluctant to stop the younger Strider's filthy mouth from running. "I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that I _definitely_ want to see Jake fucking someone doggy style," he replied, smirking down at Jake. The man in question pulled off Dave's dick to rest his head against the younger Strider's thigh as he struggled to catch his breath. "And I kinda liked the idea of fucking him while he fucks someone else, too, so I guess we should choose whether Jake will fuck you or Dirk..." he trailed off, glancing at Dirk. "Well? What does my pretty kitty want?" he inquired.

            Dirk startled slightly at suddenly being addressed, looking from John to Dave to Jake. "I..." he began, then paused and looked to the blue eyed leader of their show to make sure he was allowed to speak. John nodded curtly and he started again. "I want Jake to fuck me, if... if that's okay," he answered, squirming embarrassedly. His ears burned when the movement made the bell on his collar chime softly.

            "Of course it's okay, sweetheart!" John cooed, cupping the side of his 'kitten's face lovingly. "But what about you, Dave? Where do you want to fit in?" he asked. Dave shrugged, mentally calculating the positions they would all be in.

            "Spitroasting Dirk sounds good to me. Jake gets his ass, but I get his mouth," Dave replied, smirking at the squirming 'kitty' in question. John nodded approvingly, leaning over to gather up the bottle of lube from their bedside table.

            "Switch partners with me; I wanna play with the puppy a bit," John ordered, nudging Dirk towards his brother. Dave nodded, letting John drag the red haired man to him. Dirk crawled towards him, yowling disapprovingly when Dave rolled him over and stripped him until the only things he wore were the blue cat ears and the collar. Dave kicked off his own pants and boxers before coating his fingers in lube and moving them to Dirk's entrance. Dirk tensed up, only relaxing once Dave had distracted him by devouring his mouth hungrily. Only then was the younger Strider able to slip a finger into his hole, swallowing up the whimper that escaped Dirk's mouth when he did so.

            John was in a similar predicament with his 'puppy', having stripped the both of them naked. Jake straddled his lap, hiding his face in the crook of John's neck as the black haired man methodically stretched him, two fingers opening him up while his free hand rubbed up and down Jake's bare back in what was equal parts teasing and soothing.

            Suddenly, Dirk threw back his head and cried out, reacting enthusiastically to Dave crooking his three fingers inside him. Dave shot Jake and John a smug smirk as he continued to rub up against Dirk's sweet spot, drawing gasps and moans from the older Strider.

            "I think he's ready, so you can stop torturing him now," John sighed after a bit. Dirk did make such lovely noises, though; thrashing around hard enough to ring the bell at his neck frantically. Dave conceded reluctantly, removing his fingers and wiping them off on the bed before maneuvering the blue haired 'kitten' onto his hands and knees.

            Jake bit his lip at the sight of Dirk presented for him, giving John begging puppydog eyes. John sighed, figuring Jake too was prepared enough for John to fuck him without harming him. He nodded and let Jake scramble off him and take his place behind Dirk, practically draping himself across the back of his lover and thrusting against his backside without direction until finally, _finally_ , the head of his cock slipped inside. Dirk groaned, fisting the bedsheets as Jake hardly paused to let him adjust before beginning to thrust into him.

            John waited more or less patiently for Jake to work up a rhythm, watching Dirk eagerly arch his back and moan like a bitch in heat- or, rather, a _cat_ in heat- before he slid up behind the duo and grabbed Jake's hips to still him, holding his dick steady so he could sink into Jake's waiting hole.

            At the same time, Dave took advantage of the ceased movement to crawl forward until he was seated in front of Dirk. "Open up for me, pretty kitty," he cooed, running a thumb against the older Strider's bottom lip. Dirk dutifully mouthed at the presented cock, running his tongue along the length of it before he gave in to the hand nudging at the back of his head and swallowed Dave down.

            Dave's relieved moan distracted Jake, but John was quick to regain his attention with a swat to his ass. "Start moving, puppy! You know what to do!" he urged. The red haired 'pup' nodded and started up his thrusting again, moving between thrusting into Dirk's and pushing back against John's cock, panting and groaning from the dual pleasure. And in this position, his dick was angled to hit Dirk's prostate directly, making the orange eyed man whine and slobber all over his brother's length.

            "Oh fuck, Dirk, your mouth is so good. Our puppy must be pounding you good; I can feel the vibrations, you haven't stopped moaning around my dick at all, have you? Such a noisy little kitty, aren't you?" Dave rambled as he pet at the dyed blue head bobbing up and down in his lap. "Jake's cock is working you over so fucking good, isn't it? I'm almost jealous he isn't pounding me instead," he added with a breathless chuckle. He didn't miss the devilish smirk his blue eyed boyfriend shot him over Jake's head, though. "What?"

            "Dirky, sweetheart, did you hear that? Dave says he wants his ass filled, too. We can't have him being neglected, can we? Why don't you lube up your fingers and give him what he wants," John said, rolling the lube Dirk's way. Dave cursed under his breath for saying anything, watching as Dirk did exactly as was suggested of him, leaning on one of his arms as his other hand snaked between Dave's bare legs and rubbed against his hole.

            The other two men knew the very moment Dirk had sunk his fingers into the blonde by the shaky moan he gave and the way he grabbed a fistful of dyed blue hair to tug him farther onto his dick. The bell on Dirk's collar rang frantically at the quick bobbing of his head

            Between the nonstop hitting of his prostate and the rough way Dave tugged on his hair as he reacted to being fingerfucked, Dirk was quickly nearing the edge, and when Dave forced his head down to take his entire length into his throat and kept him there, he tumbled over said edge with his eyes squeezed shut, his ass clenching around Jake's length and drawing a startled gasp from the red haired man.

            Dave pulled Dirk off his dick to catch his breath, but Jake gave him no such reprieve and continued pounding at his ass. Dirk whimpered quietly, trying to endure the continued thrusts by gripping Dave's thighs tightly, but his prostate was still being constantly stimulated and it was beginning to be more painful than pleasurable. He weakly patted at Dave's thigh and almost sobbed his name, trusting that his brother would understand what he was saying.

            Dave locked eyes with John. "Hey, call off the horndog; Dirk's dying from overstimulation over here," he piped up. Jake reluctantly stopped thrusting and pulled out of him, and Dirk let out a pathetic dry sob and went limp. "You good, baby?" Dave asked. Dirk nodded. "You need us to get to the aftercare, like, right now? Or can we finish up?" Dirk gave him a weak thumbs up.

            "Are you sure, sweetie? If you need us, we can always just get off later," John spoke up, concerned. Dirk nodded again, allowing Dave to roll him out of the way of the 'action'. "Okay, tell us if you change your mind," John added. Dirk gave him another thumbs up and he chuckled.

            Satisfied that their orange eyed boyfriend was not being neglected and would not die or pass out without them, Dave wiggled under Jake, lifting his legs up and out until they were almost by his head. "I guess my ass is taking his place, huh puppy?" he smirked. John rolled his eyes and jerked his hips meaningfully, urging Jake into action. Jake yelped at the action and scrambled to comply, burying his cock in his new partner's ass.

            The three of them easily returned to their previous pace, this time with John adding extra force behind Jake's thrusts by abandoning his more passive part to actively pound into the red haired man, driving him into Dave. Jake moaned and whimpered into the crook of Dave's neck, and Dave practically screamed in pleasure as his ass was pounded.

            The room was filled with Dave's useless breathy rambling, his filthy mouth running and making the other two conflicted on whether they wanted to cover his mouth to shut him up or go harder to make his screams louder. "Oh god yes Jake don't stop please god fuck me oh my god Jake please yes god yes don't stop oh fuck your cock is so amazing fuck me god oh please oh- _OW_!"

            With the sudden outburst was Dave reflexively whapping their green eyed lover over the head. Jake let out a litany of apologies as he kissed the harsh bite mark in Dave's shoulder from when a particularly hard thrust from John against his prostate startled him.

            "You okay, babe?" Dirk asked weakly from his place on the other side of the bed.

            "Yeah, I'm good. Our little puppy here just bit me," Dave responded, giving said 'puppy' an accusatory glare. 

            "Bad dog! No biting! Bad!" John scolded, hand coming down hard on Jake's bare asscheek even as he continued fucking him. Jake moaned pitifully and continued frantically apologizing as John continued telling him what a "naughty puppy" he was and spanking him, while Dave jerked his own cock and clenched his ass around Jake's. All three were nearing orgasm, and with the dual sensations it was no wonder Jake was first, spilling his cum into Dave's ass and setting off his two partners as well, Dave releasing onto his chest with a shout and John cumming onto Jake's bowed back with a shaky groan.

            The room was silent except for the three men's heaving breaths as they tried to regain their normal breathing, until Dirk broke the silence tentatively. "....Uh, I would actually like some of that aftercare now," he spoke up.

            "Oh! Yeah, sorry, aftercare for everyone," John agreed, letting Dave remove Jake's ears and collar while he gushed out praises for their green eyed lover. He did the same for Dirk, removing his cat ears and the collar and tossing them to the floor. "I'll put it away later," he dismissed before Dirk could complain, kissing him quiet before running off to fetch a damp washcloth.

            After everyone was wiped down, checked over for any serious injuries, and the two 'pets' were thoroughly praised, the four boyfriends were able to settle down in bed. "Damn, Jake, you really bit him hard," Dirk commented lightly as he inspected the mark sported by the blonde he was spooning.

            Jake moaned pitifully. "I knooooow, I'm terribly sorry love, I didn't mean to maul you like a rabid, beastly fool!" he whined, reaching over John to paw tiredly at Dave. Dave chuckled and took Jake's hand, entwining their fingers reassuringly.

            "It's alright, Jakey, it wasn't that bad. I was more surprised than in pain, actually," he mentioned. "How's your ass?"

            "It stings quite a bit and is as red as a cherry tomato, for sure, but it's nothing I can't handle," Jake responded.

            "Yeah, um, spontaneous spanking... maybe something we should not do next time," John chuckled nervously. A beat of silence followed in which John thought maybe his boyfriends had fallen asleep before him.

            "Or maybe just something you should be doing to _me_ next time," Dave suggested.

            And maybe he would, John thought to himself. After all, they had indulged Dirk and Jake and their petplay kink. He didn't respond to the blonde's comment, though, instead announcing that everyone needed to shut up and let him sleep. The four boyfriends exchanged 'goodnight's before they all drifted off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO END A FIC!!!
> 
> Sorry for the delay on posting this, I had a lot of writer's block surrounding this fic. It's finished now, though! It's almost 6am, so there might be errors. Tell me if you see any?
> 
> Like I said in the beginning notes, Dirk and Jake will go back to being blonde and brunette (respectively) in the next fic. I'm very excited about the next fic, too! I have had the outline for a while now, and I even have a title already! "The Bone Zone" lmfao! ;P


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